The Red-Lipped Batfish's Super Self-Esteem

The first time I saw the red-lipped batfish, I couldn't believe its funny face. Neither could I get over its sulky expression and its bright red lips. Or that it prefers to use its fins as 'legs' to walk, rather than swim. Or that it has a lure under the horn-like projection from its face to tempt prey. It's not what anyone would call a pretty face, but that's okay. It's an interesting face. It's what got me thinking about its self-esteem. Which could be low or high. Low would be tough for the poor thing. So I chose high.

I hope you like this bedtime story. I happen to love it.

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One day, a shrimp named Timtam came up to a red-lipped batfish on the bottom of the seafloor near the Galapagos islands. “I’ve been watching you from there,” the shrimp said to the red-lipped batfish. “And I think you’re weird. Peculiar. Downright creepy.”

“No,” the red-lipped batfish said. “I’m not.”

“You are!” Timtam said. “You have a BIZARRE face.”

“No,” the red-lipped batfish said, looking straight head. “I don't. Go away."

Timtam, however, was a pest. He would not stop. “You look like an awful, bad-tempered woman. With awful red lipstick. And awful big lips. An awful big nose. Everything about your face is... awful."

"And your point is?" the red-lipped batfish said.

"You're rather ugly."

"What is it to you?" the red-lipped batfish said. "Why do you care?"

"Moreover, you waddle. You’re under the ocean, but you can’t swim – can you?”

This bothered the red-lipped batfish. The shrimp was right. Red-lipped batfishes were not good swimmers. “Well,” he said, ruffled slightly. “No.”

“YOU CAN’T SWIM!” Timtam shrieked. “I knew it. I knew it. Oh, this is so funny. You are under the ocean but you don't swim. How peculiar can you get? So how do you go from one place to another if you can't swim? Crawl? Roll? Float?”

“I walk,” the red-lipped batfish said, curtly. “On my pectoral and pelvic fins.”

“ON YOUR FINS!”

Timtam rocked with hysterical laughter. “Oh my god, this will kill me. You look like a person with a head and legs, but no body. You have a big nose and thick red lips and you cannot swim. What do you do to your prey? Kill them with your looks? And what is that thing under your nose? It’s fleshy and bulbous and... "

"Go ahead," the red-lipped batfish said. "Check it out. Laugh all you want. I've a hole under my horn. It has a few hairs. It's what's called a lure."

"What is a lure?" Timtam asked, trying to peer.

Suddenly, there was a giant sucking sound.

“YAAAARGGGHHH!” Timtam yelled. "NO! NO! NOOOOOOO!”

There was a big crunch, a couple of slow, long chews, and a satisfying gulp.

"I may be ugly," the red-lipped batfish said, with a smile. "But you, my friend, are dead."

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