Seven Rules For A Dung Beetle Race

Why a dung beetle, you ask? Well, why not? If there can be horse races, dog races, pig races, ostrich races, armadillo, lizard, lobster, and cockroach races (and yes, these do actually exist) why can't there be dung beetle races? No, seriously. Legitimate question. Why not?

Dung beetles move in profound ways. They are guided by the sun, the moon, and the Milky Way. Our galaxy, the Milky Way, yes (see Charles Q. Choi's amazingly funny and well-written article - "In the Gutter, Gazing at the Stars"). Here is what Charles Q. Choi writes -

In fact, it’s the sun that steers the movement of dung beetles. And so does light from the moon, and from the distant stars of the Milky Way. With a life devoted to excrement but guided by the heavens, dung beetles might embody the famed Oscar Wilde quote, “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”

Once the dung beetle rolls a ball of poop to call his own, he (or she) climbs to the top of the poop ball. Then he (she) does what can only be described as a dung dance. Perhaps he (she) is memorizing the position of the sun in the sky or the moon or the Milky Way.

Perched on the pile of poop that they must roll to an undisclosed location to consume or lay eggs in, they must move fast. They cannot afford to be ambushed by their brethren, cannot dither, cannot go searching for a safe hideout. Neither can they go in circles. No! They must proceed from Point A (where they pick up their loot) to Point B (where they hide their cargo) in a straight line. Why? Because, a straight line is the shortest distance between two points.

Turns out, dung beetles know this well.

But this isn't a simple jaunt, hop and skip from one spot to another. Consider the challenges. Our dung beetle must roll a spherical ball of poop, many times its own size. Our dung beetle back legs are ON the spherical ball of poop and front legs on the ground, and finally, a dung beetle is rolling the spherical ball of poop backwards, i.e., he/she is NOT facing the direction he/she is aiming to go but the opposite way. Try it. Just try it some day.

So here are the top seven rules while designing a race for our dung beetles.

1. The amount of dung the dung beetles are given to roll are equal in mass, shape, and size. For example, the ball of poop should be 10x their body weight.

2. The dung beetles must roll the ball of poop to a specified place (i.e., the hind legs must be on the ball, front legs on the ground) and they must roll the ball backward.

3. They will have the same time to dance on top of the poop ball to align themselves to the sun or moon or the stars... or whatever their navigation.

4. They can't steal from each other, ambush each other, or slam against each other mid race and run with another beetle's ball. This is not a relay.

5. For the first race, they must navigate using the sun.

6. For the second race, they must navigate using moonlight.

7. For the third race, they must navigate use our galaxy on a dark moonless night. Yes, our Milky Way.

The winner of the race will be decided by the beetle that moves in the straightest line and reaches its destination FIRST. No wiggles, circles, or loops allowed. Wiggles, circles, loops are disqualifying.

Congratulations. Now you're ready to set up your own dung beetle race. For a reward, you can give them well... you know... a giant ball of poop.

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