The Nudibranch's Beauty Competition

The first time we saw a nudibranch, we couldn't believe my eyes. We kept thinking, stunning, just stunning. Here is an image. These are some of the most beautiful creatures ever, and we thought they deserved a short story for their looks alone.

National Geographic expresses it best: "The bottom-dwelling, jelly-bodied nudibranch (NEW-dih-bronk) might seem an unlikely canvas for Mother Nature to express her wildest indulgences of color and form. But these shell-less mollusks, part of the sea slug family, bear some of the most fascinating shapes, sumptuous hues, and intricate patterns of any animal."

We couldn't agree more.

The best way to learn about nudibranchs is to read about them in say, National Geographic. But for those who need a little fun story to remember facts, here is what we came up with.

---

One day, the Head of the Nudibranch Society for Worldwide Perception of Nudibranchs (NSWPN) decided to fix a long recognized, long ignored problem: The lack of admiration for sea slugs.

“We’re so beautiful and colorful,” a clown nudibranch (named Clown) said. “I'm the Head of the NSWPN! I'll solve this problem. I will turn the situation around. As no one admires us, no one respects us, no one knows about us... let us organize a competition! A beauty pageant! That will get everyone's attention. Everyone loves beautiful creatures.”

“Yes!” a nudibranch named Rumple said. "Yes! Let's do it! I think that's a great idea!"

"Folks don't know how beautiful nudibranchs are," Clown said. "Folks don't know we're the most beautiful creatures ever!"

"No!" Rumple said. "You're right! They don't!"

“Folks don’t even know how to say our name,” Clown said. “They say Noo-dee-branch, when it is really New-di-bronk.”

“I know, I know!” Rumple said. "You're right, you're correct. Now, how do we do organize the competition?"

“The first thing we must do,” Clown said, “is specify the requirements to enter. To begin, you must be a real nudibranch, i.e. you must breathe through the gills on your back. Second, you must have poor eyesight. That is, bad vision. You should not be able to see well. And finally, needless to say, you must be a soft-bodied, marine gastropod.”

"What's a soft-bodied marine gastropod?" Rumple asked.

"Well, we are soft with no shell," Clown said. "Gastropod means snails AND slugs, but we will not allow snails into the competition. Snails have shells. Only soft-bodied slugs like us are allowed."

"Why?"

"Never you mind," Clown said. "So, are we ready? Show everyone how pretty we are?"

"Yes!" the Rumple said. He admired Clown immensely. Clown was the largest and smartest, who knew words like 'soft-bodied marine gastropod' although he couldn't quite explain why he wouldn't allow snails. No wonder Clown was the Head of NSWPN. Rumple wanted to be the Head of NSWPN too someday. "I'll get everyone organized right now!"

An old snail, who had been watching from a distance, crawled up to Rumple. “I wouldn’t do this," the old snail advised. "Listen to me. I wouldn't organize a pageant, especially with..."

“Who is asking you?” Rumple asked.

“No one,” the old snail said. “But if there is one thing I have learned, it is...”

“Go away,” Rumple and other nudibranchs said. “You’re no nudibranch. You have a shell."

"I know I am old and plain," the old snail said. "But you must understand, that is not why... "

"Go AWAY!" the nudibranchs said. "You're not colorful, beautiful, and you're jealous of us."

The nudibranchs ignored him and announced the competition. They found a reef that would be a perfect stage. Soon, the place was brilliant with color. One by one, the nudibranchs, all bright and colored, crawled up the side of a mound, posed, and the audience cheered and clapped. There was one in white, with a golden gills, one with orange and black stripes, one with pink glowing body. As they posed, their pageant and audience grew. Fish came, as did crabs, and of course, the old snail.

Then, as all of them were holding their best pose and looking at the audience, Clown, the largest of them all, opened his mouth and ate the entire beauty pageant.

Except Rumple.

The old snail shook his head. "Well," he said. "I tried to warn you. Clown is LAZY. The only reason he organized the competition was so he could eat. You guys don't see well, don't you get it? What's the point of being beautiful, if you’re going to act dumb?"