More Sea Cucumber Feelings

UGG: There are books on whales and dolphins with beautiful images of them.

ME: Yes.

UGG: Why don’t photographers take pictures of me?

ME: Um… well, I am not sure. Maybe because you bury yourself?

UGG: I think it’s because I am not attractive.

ME: Um…

UGG: You think I’m attractive? Tell me the truth. I can take it.

ME: It’s in the eyes of the beholder, isn’t it?

UGG: I’m never talking to you again.

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UGG: Make me beautiful. Make me important. Make me a celebrity.

ME: What? Why?

UGG: No one cares about me. No one likes me. They ignore me.

ME: What do you do?

UGG: I can’t tell you. You will think I’m gross.

ME: I will not.

UGG: That I’m disgusting.

ME: Try me.

UGG: I eat debris, detritus, dead things. In short – carcasses, filth, poop.

ME: [SILENCE]

UGG: [SOBBING] I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

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ME: Hey! Listen! Here’s an idea. How about you say, you keep the oceans clear and blue?

UGG: [STILL SOBBING] What do you mean?

ME: That’s what you do – don’t you?

UGG: What do I do?

ME: Keep the oceans clean!

UGG: By eating debris, detritus, and dead things?

ME: Yes, of course! If you didn’t eat that stuff – wouldn’t the water be filthy?

UGG: [SOBBING AGAIN] Yes, of course! You're right! I love you. I love you. I love you.