A Chat with Sensitive Natty, the Nautilus
Updated: Dec 30, 2020
NATTY: I’m not going to tell you! Figure it out yourself.
ME: No, tell me. Why are you called a cephalopod?
NATTY: Because… well no, not telling you.
ME: Cephalopod means ‘head-foot’.
NATTY: Neither confirming nor denying it.
ME: But see? My confusion? You don’t have feet.
NATTY: Tentacles. Tentacles are our feet.
ME: Oh, of course. Yes. So your 'feet' grow out of your head?
NATTY: My feet are ATTACHED to my head. Yes.
ME: So... do you put your foot in your mouth often?
NATTY: [Pause] That is SO NOT funny.
NATTY: Mock me. Mock me all you want. But I’ve 90 tentacles, 30 chambers, and…
ME: Wasn’t mocking you.
NATTY: We've been around for 400 million years...
ME: No kidding.
NATTY: We were in the oceans from long before the dinosaurs...
ME: No kidding.
NATTY: We’re the same now as we were hundreds of millions of years ago...
ME: Seriously?
NATTY: Now you understand how special we are?
ME: You have undergone no change in 400 million years?
NATTY: Ha! Now I see amazement and respect.
ME: You’re a like a living fossil.
NATTY: [after a silence] That is SO NOT FUNNY!
NATTY: That’s it. I’m done talking to you.
ME: No.
NATTY: I’m withdrawing into my beautiful shell.
ME: No, don’t go.
NATTY: My shell, which is one of the most beautiful spirals in nature.
ME: Not sure what that means.
NATTY: I see myself as the arms of spiral galaxies.
ME: Still not sure what you mean.
NATTY: I’m withdrawing totally. Blocking my entrance with my tentacles.
ME: What will you do now?
NATTY: I will sink to great depths, nearly 2500 feet, to get away from you.
ME: You said that, not me.
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